“We’re perpetually fed a line that we’re looking for love in a market that doesn’t value us,” says Marina Adshade, an economics professor in Canada and author of . However, with the gray divorce boom, there are a lot more older people available than ever before. That said, the dating market for older singles isn’t all that easy. There just aren’t that many available singles our age and the ones who are available are an interesting lot (read Anne Lamott’s funny take of her year on to understand).
“If that were true, they would be lowering their standards. In fact, she notes that older women are a lot more selective than older men and younger women are when it comes to picking a partner If anything, it’s more of a level playing field when it comes to midlife dating.
In a talk before boomers (you can watch it below), Adshade says older women really aren’t disadvantaged on the dating market.
" Many of our emotional drivers remain unconscious, which is why chronic self-saboteurs will often use conscious justification (or what seem like excuses) to explain why they had to: Early learning - or should I say mis-learning - can create the habit of self-sabotage and 'things going right' may seem like a scary and foreign country.
If you feel you are prone to this sort of behaviour, then these tips may well help you (as long as you let them).
Imagine you're someone else whose behaviour you're watching. One client who did this realized that he had been unconsciously reluctant to earn more than his (bullying) father had done when he was alive: "As if I couldn't betray him by being better off than he had been." This realization helped him overcome this limiting belief once he had observed it operating within himself. Seeing your own behaviour more clearly has nothing to do with over-applied self-blame, but rather being more objective.
He decided to actually ignore it until the old compulsion not to succeed became a faint whisper, then died away all together. Strongly imagine (and get into the habit of strongly imagining) what true success will be like, because it may be different from what you'd been unconsciously assuming.Once we get into the habit of seeing the needs of the wider group rather than just our own emotional impulses, it actually becomes harder to sabotage situations. Imagine if Cinderella had decided she really couldn't go to the ball, even when she had the opportunity; or if the ugly duckling had concluded it wasn't 'good enough' to fly high with the swans.Being open to life means seeing where certain experiences will take you and accepting openly the good as well as the bad.Forget justifying why you did (or didn't do) this or that; just watch yourself.The adage "don't listen to what people say, but watch what they do" to see what they're really like can be applied to yourself equally well. " Was it fear, spite, the need to be in control (even if that control is related to making things fail), the need for excitement through conflict, or the desire for attention through sympathy?But we mess things up for ourselves in other ways, too - and for other reasons, which include: But surely if people know they are doing this, they wouldn't do it! It's not generally a conscious decision to spoil things - and that's a problem.