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You can only remove so much of the chase from the process, they explained. There was the “artist” I met in a desolate part of Bushwick (this was pre-), who looked more like a meth-addict “after” photo than the handsome guy in the pictures he had posted. One night, I was checking my Nerve e-mail and came across a short message from a chef named Rob. One of my best friends dated a famous chef who cheated on her and broke her heart.

There was the architect, cranky that he left lunch with his mother to race to our date, only to discover he had the wrong time. And then there was the sweet guy from Philadelphia—not Siberia, but still a bit too far—and ten years my junior. (Even Anthony Bourdain called chefs “wacked-out moral degenerates.”)My finger hovered over the delete button as I read Rob’s profile.

The slightly shameful stigma attached to meeting a man on the Internet may be gone, but does online dating work?

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He was tall, had good taste in music, read interesting books, and seemed decent, funny, and hard working. What harm was there in some anonymous e-mail banter?

Little did I know that hitting send would change my life.

After a few dates, Rob and I mutually agreed to shut down our profiles.

Five years later, I shudder to think I came this Kerry Diamond co-owns Seersucker and Nightingale 9 restaurants in Brooklyn with her boyfriend Robert Newton.When I arrived at the beer garden where we’d agreed to meet, not only did he look like his photo, but he kissed me on the cheek.We saddled up to the bar and he excused himself to make a phone call. Online dating is a full-time job, and eventually, it stopped making sense to me to turn down dinner and party invitations from friends because I had to go home and troll for dudes online.What were my non-negotiables and what truly mattered in a mate?For me, relationships always began with mutual attraction.What if you started with shared values and interests and then explored the chemistry aspect?